This will be a little bit of a different post because it’s more of just my own thoughts and sharing experiences, but I’d like to make it like this more often. That’s when I find I do my best writing, I think, because it’s direct from my heart.
Anyway, last night our oldest daughter (8 yo) came into our room after having a bad dream. She said, “In my dream, daddy passed away. I was so sad, I was like crying tears like this big. And then I saw this little thing on the ground, and I didn’t know what it was, but I picked it up and I knew it could take me back in time. So I went back in time to go find daddy and I found him but he needed help. And the time machine thingy needed a password so that we could go back to the future and I knew the password was a four letter word and I knew it was ‘love’. So we came back to the future and Mommy, you were so happy to see Daddy and when I woke up I was just crying and crying because that dream scared me so much but it was also happy at the end.”
Whaaa? First of all, I love how much she could remember of her dream, and that she shared that with us. Secondly, I love her heart. I love that, in her dream, she knew that the password to get the time machine to work was “love”.
Love is so important. It breaks boundaries and walls. It centers us. I’m so grateful to be loved by four little ones. They all have their own crazy things about them, but they all are just like beacons of light. I see a lot of memes on the internet that are funny because they’re true, but a lot of times I think they kind of get my mind overly focused on the negative parts about parenthood. And where my thoughts go, my emotions and actions go. So if I’m constantly focusing on the negative, it’s waaaaayyyy more unlikely that I’ll enjoy my days as a mom. And I’ll miss some of the most beautiful moments. Because when my kids are wild and making messes and I choose negative thoughts about it, it causes me to feel overwhelmed, which leads me to want to binge watch Netflix and eat everything in the house and withdraw from them. Thus missing the moments and watching The Office instead (P.S. I love watching TV. Just want to do less of it).
So tomorrow, I’ll try to focus on and remember that the secret password is “love”. That that’s all my kids really want, and that I can give that to them and also enforce consequences and boundaries at the same time. Thinking of them as individuals and humans with feelings, just like me. Which will cause me to feel MORE love, which will slowly but surely help me to have more patience more often and try and put myself in their shoes. And the result is that I’ll want to be with them more and show my love for them in new and different ways that maybe I haven’t thought of before because I’ve been stuck in negative thought patterns that are no longer serving me.
There is no time machine. We can’t go back. We will NOT feel happy/contented/peaceful/amused/in control 100% of the time as parents. No way in hell. But I’d rather have the scale tip towards those emotions, and the path to that starts with how I think about them and the things they do and the words they say. And I really do think the password is “love”.