Hey! I’ve been gone for a while. I went through some really hard emotional times. Everything that I have learned and have been teaching you guys was put to the ultimate test. And honestly, I took a while to come back around. I’m okay with that, but I wanted to let you know that if you were weirded out by my last post or other posts I made on social media because they seemed “off brand” for me, now you know why. I just…felt like the worst for about the last 6 months. I was depressed, and tried to ignore it or push it away for a long time and then it just got worse. So, let me tell you from experience: resisting your emotions or trying to ignore or cover them by watching a bunch of Netflix doesn’t work. It doesn’t make you feel better. It’s okay to do (not arguing that we should all cancel our Netflix accounts), but if your goal is to feel better, you have to look those negative emotions in the face.
Read!!!: If you are losing function, you need to seek professional help. I did: It got to the point where I didn’t get out of bed most days, so I started therapy. It’s helped SO much. But this blog post isn’t necessarily about this topic, although it’s a good and important one.
Who This Post Is For
This post is for the person out there who’s not clinically depressed, but still feels negative emotion a lot of the time or is generally dissatisfied with their life.
The person who is unhappy with the way their body looks and feels like if they could only get it together and eat right and exercise, they could finally feel good about themselves.
The person who carefully presents themselves to the world in a certain way that’s EXHAUSTING so that they can try and control what other people think of them.
The person who just feels so overwhelmed by it all that she just says, “Screw it” and watches Netflix and eats snacks the rest of the day. (And lets her kids do the same.)
The person who is constantly her own worst enemy, who berates herself in her mind because she believes that’s the only way to get her butt in gear and start working toward her goals.
That was me.
Here’s the thing: I used to feel all of that too.
I thought that if I could just change all the things I didn’t like about myself, then I would feel better. But I was going about it completely BACKWARDS.
I promise you: if all you want to know is how to feel better about yourself, you have the power to do it, right now. Right this second. Love yourself and accept yourself exactly the way you are, and then see how magical it is. People think, “Oh, but if I let myself off the hook and just love myself the way I am, then I’ll lose the motivation to change.”
The OPPOSITE is true.
I really want you to think about this:
Think about someone who has inspired you in the past (or today), someone who has influenced your life and you LOVE to be around because they just lift you up with their presence. How do/did they treat you? What things did/do they say to you? What thoughts did/do they inspire in you? My guess is that they probably smile at you, give you hugs, laugh with you, encourage and validate you, comfort you when you feel sad or angry, go fun places with you, and maybe they even teach you from time to time.
YOU 👏 CAN 👏 BE 👏 THAT 👏 PERSON 👏 FOR 👏 YOURSELF 👏
It’s TRUE! You can give yourself mental hugs, you can tell yourself “hey, you’re amazing and I really like you.” YOU can decide to have fun even if no one around you is. You can validate YOURSELF by listening to yourself regularly. You can be the one to say to yourself, “What’s wrong friend? How can I help?”
The purpose of this isn’t to make it so you don’t need friends or family in your life anymore. The purpose of this is to realize that we think that we can only feel good about ourselfves if other people feel good about us, and we can only change if we beat ourselves up. But don’t you feel MORE inspired to change when someone treats you well? And wouldn’t it be amazing if YOU were the person who you committed to always treating well, always having your own back?
How to Feel Better: The Process
I can almost hear you through my computer screen right now saying, “But HOW Lindsy????? Howwwww?”
1. Take time each day to get to know yourself. Meditate, journal, literally ask yourself questions and answer them. Ex) “What do you need right now?” Then answer it. Do this without judgment. Just be curious, as if you’re trying to get to know an acquaintance.
2. As you observe yourself more and more, you’ll become more and more aware of how your thinking is contributing to your emotions. Again, don’t judge any of it. Get curious and ask yourself why. Write down what you find. Thinking about it and observing it is good, writing it down is even better and will help you feel better faster. Ex) I notice about myself that I care A LOT about what other people think of me. I wonder why that is? [insert journal entry here where I explore that idea]
3. Once you identify the negative thought loops that are causing your negative emotions, get creative and come up with some new thoughts. These will be different for everyone, but the key idea is to come up with thoughts that empower you and promote self love. Ex) If your old thought every time you looked into the mirror was “Ew”, then think, “What new thought can I start having instead of that one that will help me to love myself fully the way I am?” and write down ideas.
4. Pick the thought that most resonates with you as being empowering and full of love. Or even just neutral rather than negative. Ex) Old thought was “Ew”, new thought is “Hey, you ;)”.
5. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE. Practice that new thought over and over again. Don’t feel bad if it doesn’t sink in right away, that’s normal. Just keep applying it. You may feel better right away. It may take a long time. Remember, you’ve been practicing the old thought for SOOO long. It’s your brain’s go-to. So have patience with yourself. Again, we’re going for curiosity and patience, rather than judgment and beating-ourselves-up.
That’s it. I just apply and re-apply that process over and over again, and eventually my old thought processes are replaced with empowering ones. It sounds like voodoo magic, and it kind of is. Haha. But seriously, try it! What the heck do you have to lose?
What if you became your own best friend? And just unabashedly loved yourself? You’d probably like to be around yourself a lot more, and you’d probably find motivation to get out and live your best life.
And if you’re finding it hard to come up with new thoughts, I got you. Send me an email, DM me on IG or FB, sign up for my weekly emails below (which are full of awesome new thoughts for you to try), yell at me from across the grocery store, whatever. You could also check out some of my other blog posts: How to Get Instant Validation, 5 Mistakes You Make Every Time You Try to Lose Weight, and You Get to Choose What You Believe are all good ones.
Bottom line: I believe in you. But no matter how hard I believe in you, it won’t have any effect unless you believe in you. Work on that, and the whole world is yours, my friend. Talk to you soon 😉