Change Your Mindset,  Love

How to Connect With Someone

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

Are you feeling that loss of connection with someone you love? Maybe it’s your partner, your child, your parent, or even yourself. Maybe they said or did something and now you’re feeling distant and aren’t sure how to fix it.

First off, always always always communicate. It’s maybe uncomfortable, maybe you’ve rarely done it in the past, but saying what’s on your mind with a heart full  of love and a mind wanting to explain how you’re feeling will work wonders. Bring up the elephant in the room. My husband is expert at this. He often says, “Hey, I feel like you hate me right now” and often I’m like, “No, not at all!” Problem solved. And if I am angry, it opens it up for me to tell him how I’m feeling. This is another thing: if your partner asks you what’s wrong or asks if you’re mad at them, TELL THEM WHAT’S GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD. They will not guess what’s in there 95% of the time. 

Next, I’m going to share something with you that might blow your mind: connection with another person is all in your mind. As in, there is no such physical thing as a connection with someone. When you feel connected with them, it’s because of your thoughts about them. I’m serious. Think about it. Have you ever felt a connection with an actor, activist, or other famous person that you’ve never met before? We do it all the time. I’m pretty sure Kristen Bell is my soul sister. But that’s because I have really positive, approving, connective thoughts about her. So, my good feelings about her come from my good thoughts about her. 

Same thing goes for my husband. Or my kids. Or my neighbor. Or my best friend.

So, if you want to feel connected to someone, that’s on YOU, dude. They aren’t able to MAKE you feel a connection with them by anything they say or do. But you CAN control what you’re thinking about THEM.

Pleeaasse PLEASE don’t misunderstand me: always tell people what’s on your mind (that’s why I mentioned that first). If it’s your partner, make requests of them. If it’s your kids, enforce consequences for certain behaviors. But don’t think that you NEED those things in order to feel connected to them. You don’t, and you might be waiting a loooong time. And if you’re ever in an unsafe situation, you HAVE to do what you have to do to get and stay safe.

But for most of our relationships, we waste SO much time and energy waiting and hoping the other person will change what they’re doing so that we can feel connected to them! Again, the connection only exists in your mind. And you are in control of that, so choose to look for the good in them and tell them how you feel.

Chances are you’ll start to feel connected to them. 😉

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